


A Tiny Shred of Hope

by cmere



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22056628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmere/pseuds/cmere
Summary: Henry reacts in the immediate aftermath of his first kiss with Alex.
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 65
Kudos: 501





	A Tiny Shred of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> I have been desperate for Henry's POV in the big moments so I wrote it! In honor of tonight, NYE 2019, being the night of their first kiss. <3

Henry stumbles into the ballroom, hands shaking and heart thudding. He finds Pez in the middle of a group of highly attractive people, telling an elaborate story and probably somehow managing to flirt with all of them, and positively descends upon him.

“We’re leaving. Now.”

Pez, thankfully, doesn’t ask questions when he sees the look on Henry’s face. Henry hears him shout, “Follow me on Instagram!” as he rounds up the nearest PPOs and heads for the doors.

Henry doesn’t say anything, and Pez doesn’t ask, until they’ve made the short journey back to their hotel and are safely locked behind the closed door of a penthouse suite. Henry loosens his tie, then heads straight for the minibar. As he pulls out a small bottle of whiskey, he realizes two things: one, his hands are still shaking. And two, Alex had tasted like whiskey when he kissed him.

_He kissed Alex._

“D’you want to talk about it?” Pez asks, throwing himself back on the sofa and kicking his feet up.

Henry quickly puts the whiskey back and turns around.

“I did something stupid,” he says, standing in the middle of the room. His feet suddenly feel heavy, like they’re being cemented to the floor, like he should just sink down right where he is and close his eyes and pretend this disaster of a night never happened.

He doesn’t realize he actually has closed his eyes until Pez’s hands are on his arms, leading him to a soft chair and forcing him to sit. He sinks into it gladly. A glass of water appears in his hand, and he blinks, looking up at Pez.

“You were swaying,” Pez says by way of explanation. “So drink up and tell Dr. Pezza all your troubles, love.”

“I…” Henry takes a deep breath, then a sip of water. “I kissed him.” He stares miserably at the floor.

“I’m sorry, you did what?”

“I kissed him.”

“Whom?”

“Alex.”

“What about Alex?”

“I kissed Alex!” Henry shouts, annoyed that Pez is playing games with him when he’s trying to have an emotional breakdown.

Pez whoops loudly and actually sashays around the room, pumping one arm in circles. Henry puts his head in his hands.

“Well, don’t stop there! What did he do? How did he react? Did you lead up to the kiss with anything or did you just plant one on him? Was anyone else around? What—”

“Stop, please, Christ,” Henry interrupts, opening one eye to peek at Pez, who has settled down enough to return to his spot on the sofa. He’s leaning forward, elbows on his knees, grinning with a literal _gleam_ in his eye. “I don’t know how he reacted. I ran away too fast.”

“But what did he _do_?”

“He…” Henry pauses, trying to think. It had all happened so fast. “We were talking about if we just lived normal, everyday lives. I was trying to…get some sign or signal from him, or something. _Anything_. After all the texting and the three a.m. phone calls and spending all night talking to me and trying to get me to dance, I was thinking, there has to be _something_ there. I know I’ve never had a lot of friends, but it just doesn’t seem like only a friend would _act_ like this. But then he kissed Nora at midnight, and he’s never even told me if he’s into guys…” Henry trails off, trying to make sense of everything in his jumbled-up, foggy, drunk brain.

“And you wanted to know for sure.” Pez finishes his thought, succinct and correct, as usual. Henry nods, biting his lip.

“So I was trying to tell him, but he wasn’t getting it, so I just…” Henry makes a vague, helpless gesture with both hands in front of him. “And then I realized what a fucking idiot I was and how this is the dumbest idea I’ve ever had, and I should really just be taken out back and executed for even thinking about _pretending_ I could have something like…that…and I ran.”

Pez eyes him, a thoughtful expression on his face. “First of all, you’ve had much dumber ideas than this, and thankfully, I have video evidence of many of them. Second, you’ve told me what happened, but you still haven’t told me—what did Alex _do_?”

Henry makes a noise of frustration and throws his hands up. “I don’t know!”

“Did he push you away in disgust?”

“No.”

“Did he push you away at all?”

“No…”

“Did he tell you he doesn’t like you like that?”

“No.”

“Did he tell you he’s not into men?”

“No.” Henry walks back to the moment in his mind. He can feel the cold air on his hands, his face. He can feel Alex’s shoulder pressed up against his, the tree solid and grounding against his back. He can feel the anxiety tight in his chest, his heart palpitating, nausea rising in him as he tried to tell Alex what he wanted to say. _I shouldn’t pursue them. At least not in my position._

He had to lean down, even as he turned Alex’s face up to his with his hands. For one terrifying second, Alex froze, but then his mouth went soft and pliant under Henry’s. Alex’s body melted into his own, one hand gripping his jacket. He felt Alex’s tongue against his and he finally, _finally_ got to wind his fingers around Alex’s curls. A sound, low in Alex’s throat.

“He kissed me back,” Henry realizes, and just saying the words out loud fills him with the tiniest shred of hope, deep within his chest. He looks at Pez and sees the hope reflected in Pez’s smile.

“He kissed you back,” Pez repeats, and somehow, hearing it out of his mouth, it sounds huge, momentous, all-encompassing. It sounds like _everything_.

Henry touches his fingers to his lips. _Alex kissed him back_. 

Henry knows he’s not done panicking. He knows the regret and anxiety are real, that he’s done something incredibly stupid, something incredibly risky, something he can never take back. But maybe, he thinks, just for tonight, he can keep pretending, can live in that moment, under a tree with his fingers tangled in a boy’s hair. A boy who he’s kissing simply because he _wants_ to. 

And a boy who is kissing him back.


End file.
